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Personal stories |
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Personal stories - Julie
I was 24, in my final year at college and was planning to go to
university when I was diagnosed HIV positive in a small town in
Yorkshire in January 1991. I had been for the test having had a
sero-conversion illness some months earlier. I received pre-test
counselling for about an hour and the counsellor went through
some of the issues and made an appointment for me to come
back in two weeks’ time.
Three days later I received a letter from the clinic that just
about made me choke on my cornflakes. It was a Friday and the
letter said that I must attend the clinic first thing on Monday
morning as a matter of urgency. I knew that this was not an
invite to discuss the weather or the price of fish. I remember
looking at my mother sat in the chair and I wondered how
much older it would make her if I told her but tried to contain
myself and look normal.
On my way to college I ran down a hilly field near my parents’
house screaming loudly and crying. I remember standing at the
bottom of the hill looking at the letter and telling myself that
it meant nothing, that I was no different today than I had been
the day before, the week before, the year before. I was still me.
I told myself that I was a big strong woman and this is a tiny
little virus.
Trying to get the results that day only confirmed my fears. The
counsellor told me she could not give the results over the
phone and that I had to see the consultant on the Monday.
Somehow the world around me looked different, like seeing
through different eyes. I knew that nothing would ever be the
same again.
I took all eight of my friends from college with me and they
paced the waiting room whilst I went in to see the consultant.
The consultant confirmed what I already knew and though I
was offered post-test counselling it seemed a bit pointless as I
had been thinking over the weekend about what the diagnosis
meant. I was glad it was me and not one of my college friends.
I thought I was better equipped to deal with it. There was
something about having a battle on my hands that excited me.
It was like I had a quest.
I was the first person to be diagnosed at the clinic, but
was soon joined by Eric who introduced me to a world of
wonderful gay men. My openness about my status, large
bosoms, vulgar humour and acid tongue made me very popular
and as there were very few services for women outside
London, they became my support network.
Telling my parents was awful and though my mum never flinched
at the news just saying ‘never mind love, just live life as healthy
as possible’, my dad was visibly heartbroken that his baby might
die before him. It felt like I had really let them down but I know
that they are intensely proud now.
I finished college in the September 1991 and went off to
university to do a degree in Peace Studies. By this time I was
also doing talks raising awareness in schools, with social
workers, healthcare workers and conferences with the National
AIDS Trust. Over the years HIV has (and continues to) throw up
many challenges, but it’s also brought friends and a life that is
full-to-brimming with laughs and love.
If you would like to read more stories like this one you can subscribe to Positively Women magazine or click here for more stories online. |
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