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Personal stories - Dawn
2004 is a year I definitely won’t forget. It had just turned New
Year and everything was going great. I was at college, had a
good job, a lovely boyfriend and lived at home with my mum
who went to her partner’s at weekends (you know how it is
when you are only 16: PARTY!) Everything felt right this was my
year! Yeah for bad news!
They always say bad things come in threes and boy did it!
First BV (bacterial vaginosis), second gonorrhoea and then an
HIV positive diagnosis. My world came crashing down around
me and there was nothing to hold it up. My perfect life was
anything but.
I told my boyfriend and he couldn’t deal with it; I don’t blame
him. I left college I just couldn’t deal with all the added stress
and pressure as well as seeing the man that had given it to me
– he worked in the college canteen and was in total denial.
2004 was definitely not my year, or so I thought. Coming to
terms with my diagnosis was hard and still is, it’s taken me three
years to fully accept my ‘condition’ and come to terms with
the responsibility it has given me. I not only have to ensure I
take care of myself but that I’m safe and careful around others,
especially men.
I’ve had my fair share of ups and downs since my diagnosis.
Times when I felt so low I just wished I wasn’t here, but I’ve had
more times when I’ve been on top of the world and so proud
of myself for achieving things no matter how simple they were.
I suppose HIV should be seen as a weakness, especially when
it kicks in and really starts to have an effect. But I see it as a
strength. It has made me so determined to succeed in all I do
and always put in 110%. I feel more grateful for the things I have
and do. I believe everything happens for a reason and I wouldn’t
be who I am if I hadn’t accepted what I am. I know it’s no bed of
roses; I’ve just learnt to appreciate life more and realise what is
precious and important to me. So 2004 was definitely a lifechanging
memorable year, just not in the way I hoped.
It's now been three years since my diagnosis and looking back
to 2004, yes it was life-changing bad beginning to the year but I
also fell in love for the first time that year, met fantastic people
and had lots of fun too. I now realise that my life is worth living
and every day is another chance to change my mistakes and
achieve what I want, because although being HIV positive has
changed my life it hasn’t changed my dreams or the person I
am, the person who is loved. Now I am succeeding with my
new found strength and it’s been anything but easy, but easy is
never fun! I’m now back at college doing a course I love, I have
a good job as a care assistant and I have a lovely flat to call my
own. So every year will always be memorable, although 2004
will always stick in my mind as the year that gave me a
reason to live
because I won’t give in, especially not
to HIV!
If you would like to read more stories like this one you can subscribe to Positively Women magazine or click here for more stories online. |
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